Very hard not to see
The soft moss made in the trough
Makes you sneeze and cough
Green silage bales
Repel,big thick hail
Tall stalky green grass
Chewed down by cattle as they pass
The lime green leaves
Floating in the breeze
The big fat chubby hog
Rolling round in the muddy bog
Can I please have constructive feedback
Hey Daimen, it's Bella here. I really like the adjectives you used eg. Big fat chubby hog, stalky green grass, soft moss etc. I also like how you rhymed all your last words. Your next step is to maybe add 2 more verses or lines. Other than that slight hiccup, amazing poem!
ReplyDeleteBella
Thanks for the feedback Bella. I will try to write more next time.
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ReplyDeleteAwesome poem Daimen, you have met the rhyme criteria really well. Five of your ideas relate to green but does your hog in the bog? Maybe you could think of another idea that relates to your colour and also remember to provide a learning intention so that other people can give you feedback in relation to what you were aiming to achieve.
ReplyDeleteThat is such a awesome poem. Love the rhyming you have used in this poem. Also love how you have connected it to New Zealand I can really connect to it. NS Put a learning intention so I can tell what type of poem that is meant to be. Overall thta is such a awesome effort.
ReplyDeleteMolly Lourie, Year 8, Toko School
That is such a awesome poem. Love the rhyming you have used in this poem. Also love how you have connected it to New Zealand I can really connect to it. NS Put a learning intention so I can tell what type of poem that is meant to be. Overall thta is such a awesome effort.
ReplyDeleteMolly Lourie, Year 8, Toko School